ryanrocksdale's Xanga

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 16:03:48 GMT

i am now a college grad. my life isn't too much different from when i was in college except now i have even more bills (but still no money) and i am reading the harry potter books. i am also a roastmaster. yes. impressive, i know. jake funkster, burney and i are living in a crazy awesome ridiculously-large mansion in siloam. come and visit us! that is all.

i really need to change my profile picture.... crap.

and now i must return to work/drinking coffee.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 04:59:47 GMT

i never update this thing anymore. i should be writing a paper, but i hate writing...

my recital is in less than six weeks. i'm freaking out. i still have SOOO much work to do and no time to do it, and the semester just keeps getting more and more busy. oh well. such is life i guess.

this week i get to do the following: transcribe & perform a jamie cullum song, take a physics test, write two papers, memorize a bach partita, make cheesecake (in that order). then choir tour next week. colorado, here we come!! (note: colorado people, we are singing in colorado springs, frisco, denver, and greeley.... maybe i can see you? please?!)

this afternoon i wrote a paper about social justice. i am a very selfish person. society teaches me to be a selfish person. but i am called to live a life of self-sacrifice, a life that is devoted to caring for the oppressed, to actively seeking what is just and right, and by doing so to know God more fully. i watched a documentary on AIDS in preparation for writing this paper. it made me uncomfortable. but then as soon as it was over i slipped back into my self-centered world. who am i?!? why am i so full of myself? i am called to love others and yet somehow i just end up loving myself.

yeah, i hate writing...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 21:35:28 GMT

this has been the week from hell. i am ready for it to be over.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 17:40:08 GMT

i am ready to go home....

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 01:39:31 GMT

being sick is lame. i don't like it. my dad starts his new treatment tomorrow (hopefully). his blood counts have been too low lately to do anything, but the blood test on Monday looked okay. i don't want to be at school right now. i just want to go home and be around people who understand me. i don't like being in relationships with people... for some reason i'm just not good at it. maybe that's why i got a c in the building strong relationships class.... i don't know. but regardless, i don't seem to have much luck. maybe i should just become a hermit and move to the mountains somewhere and live by myself with my piano and my dog. maybe one day....

Friday, November 03, 2006

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 03:22:18 GMT

i am tired. i sometimes wonder if i can make it through another day, and yet God is gracious. my dad isn't doing too well... the tumor is about the size of a racquetball now. treatment options are slim. it's easy to get depressed when things seem so bleak, and when you're tired and already stressed. and yet, God is still gracious. i just need to take one day at a time...

Friday, October 27, 2006

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 22:30:30 GMT

off for a weekend in missouri with some of my favorite people ever!! it should be fun. maybe i'll get some rest? we will see.

note: renee fleming is amazing. my girlfriend sounds like renee fleming. thus, my girlfriend is amazing. little square box.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 16:12:55 GMT

i just failed a physics test and i don't care. mind you, i didn't fail due to lack of knowledge, but rather to ridiculous time constraints. oh well. tests are stupid.

and now... off to prepare for two tests tomorrow, a midi project, and a masterclass this afternoon for my little piano students... why do i do this to myself? (this being college)

that's all. i got the new renee fleming cd but haven't had time to listen to it yet.... maybe after this semester? we'll see.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 18:51:26 GMT

i didn't know that it was possible to be so generally angry. it probably isn't healthy; maybe some of it is, but the majority of it is not. i'm tired, but i can't sleep. i'm stressed. i wish that life could be easy again. maybe coming to college was a mistake. i look around me and i see all of these happy people, people who look and act like they have everything figured out. i know that they don't, but the fact that they act like they do really pisses me off sometimes. i wish that my dad would get better, that my sister's life wouldn't be so complicated, that school wouldn't suck the life out of me. maybe i just need to change my attitude. maybe i just need sleep.... or more coffee? i need to go do homework. maybe i'll write more when i'm not so grumpy.

oh, and my face is still numb.... stupid wisdom teeth.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 18:27:11 GMT

so it's been a month since i had my wisdom teeth out and my face is still numb. stupid wisdom teeth. now not only am i no longer wise, but my face is numb and continually swollen because i chew up the inside of my mouth when i eat. and sometimes when i eat i drool or get food on the side of my face and don't know it. and i have a cold. not a good combination. blah.

in other news, i think this will be one of the hardest semesters of my jbu career. content-wise, most of my classes are pretty average (save my independent study math course on the mathematics of music, which gets into special partial differential equations and other crap like that), but time-wise it's going to be tough. i feel like all that i've done since school started is homework and i'm already behind. ack! oh well. such is school.

i get to see allie in a week. i'm excited. enough said.

anyway, i should go do more homework and practicing and not sleeping. maybe next month my face will be back to normal? maybe....